POLICE SQUAD
Frank Drebin here. It was a quiet day in the star system of Ahbazon. The kind of quiet that makes you check your life insurance. I was piloting my Tornado battlecruiser—a ship so powerful, it could knock out a small moon… if I could remember which button fired the guns. But that’s the life of a capsuleer: part fearless warrior, part guy who accidentally warps into a gate camp and prays his insurance is paid up.
My mission? Patrol the system. Keep the peace. And by ‘keep the peace,’ I mean ‘shoot anything that moves before it shoots me.’ The Tornado’s 1400mm artillery cannons were locked and loaded, which was good, because my targeting computer was still set to ‘holiday mode.’ I’d been told this ship was a glass cannon. Turns out, that’s not a compliment—it means if someone sneezes in your direction, you explode.
Then, trouble arrived. A suspicious fleet of… well, I don’t know what they were, but they had blinking lights and looked angry. I hailed them with my best diplomatic voice, "This is your final warning! Or possibly my final words".
They opened fire. I panicked. I mashed buttons. The Tornado’s guns roared like an angry opera singer, and suddenly, space was full of debris. Mostly theirs. Some mine. It’s hard to tell with all the explosions.
When the smoke cleared, I was still alive—miraculously. My ship was held together by duct tape and hope, but the system was safe. For now. As I limped back to dock, I reflected on another successful patrol. Another day, another near-death experience. And another reminder that in New Eden, the only thing more dangerous than your enemies… is your own trigger finger.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Bx20cflBBk
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By Spectre Fleet with fleet commander Gothikia
Forming up in Ahbazon at 2025-04-12 14:00:00 UTC
Doctrine: Bonk Nado's
